found it, and remember SO HAPPILY writing it, so will repost it:
Beach Sand
Back in North Carolina for a 3 day visit – mostly to see my
sister – I had the chance to walk down the beach on sand wet, sand dry, sand
grey, sand pebbled, under skies mostly grey. Delightfully grey, with rough sea
under it. At this point of wildness, I ride one or two waves in and then sink
right to the bottom of the sand to let the rest wash over me. Then scramble up
and head in, thankful to have outbreasted the undertow you can always feel
pulling.
You can go down on the beach
with friends or family but, gloriously,
you always feel alone. Not lonely, just alone.
I sat with my sister Peg on a
bench on a dry place between the sound and the sea and we phoned my oldest
friends – Sarah struggles with dates and times and still you feel sort of
connected.
Everything beachlike feels
connected, as does France. The places you have loved, I guess, and so keep
loving.
Matthew and I sat up late
talking: now I LOVE talking late with Matthew. The superb interview he did for
some recent magazine
began with the interviewer’s
comments on his depth of mind. Right on.
Well, this is being written
on a shaky airplane, and feels shaky, if true. Back to New York, truth itself
for me. Don’t know why. Maybe the park? the rowboats, the bikes, never mind if
you aren’t in or on them, they are there. And they give you that feeling of
thereness, which is the same as hereness. Enough.
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